Hawgsmoke.com
Hawgsmoke 2010
13-16 October 2010
Boise, Idaho
Friday Night
The evening started with the standard Friday pilot meeting where the squadron congregates, receives academics and whatever else the Ops officer deems important. I had a beer or two in there. The squadron seemed to be in a festive mood. We regressed to the bar and began our usual banter. For one reason or the other, the boss decided to assess penalty bullets for rules of engagement (ROE) violations. A bullet is a fired 30mm shell filled with alcohol. For those of you who have never seen one of these, they're pretty big. Its about the size of a Coke bottle. You can get about 5 or 6 healthy shots in it. At any rate, it will mess you up.
As luck would have it, I was one of those found in violation. On Fridays we're all supposed to wear our Friday nametags with our call signs on them. I've taken it upon myself to make up a new call sign every so often and wear that nametag. The one I had on last night happened to be "Deacon Yomouth". I thought it becoming. My flight commander didn't agree and brought it to the attention of the squadron. This didn't go over too well with the boss and I was assessed a penalty bullet. My flight commander was also assessed a penalty bullet for one of his subordinates having such a willful and blatant ROE violation. Let's just say that didn't go over too well with him, being the one who brought the violation forth. As result, I'm grounded until I right my wrong.
In typical fashion, the squadron then pushed to the Officers’ Club. Here I found the lure of Bloody Mary’s to be overwhelming. In my drunken haze I invented the game of “Hide the Urinal Cake in the Wives’ Popcorn.” The look of utter disgust when they realize what has been lurking in their popcorn is priceless.
I don't remember much after that. I did however note some interesting things when I woke up this morning. First and foremost on my mind was trying to find that damned cat or monkey 'cause it shit in my mouth.
The next thing I noticed was the fact I was lying in a substance which resembled vomit. Upon further inspection, I confirmed my suspicion when that unmistakable aromatic blend of beer, popcorn, and stomach acid was taken in. I could only assume it was mine, due to the red hue. The Bloody Mary's no doubt.
With a splitting headache, I stumbled to the bathroom to relieve myself and get some aspirin. I quick glance in the mirror revealed what must have been a restless sleep. It was a sight to behold. Red vomit seemed to find its way into every nook and cranny right down to tomato seeds... again, the Bloody Mary's. You haven't lived 'til you've dug sleep coated tomato seeds from your eyes. I hear vomit's good for the hair. Find me next Friday, maybe I can set you up with a treatment.
At this point I was feeling bad again, so I went back to my vomit laden bed and slept a couple more hours.
I'm all cleaned up now. My linens are burning outside my window. It's crazy the lengths you'll go to get that late night ab workout.
